The salty chronicles
by llamazstalker
Summary: I'll need about tree fiddy& YOURSOCIALSECURITYNUMBAHPWEASE
1. Chapter 1

THE SALTY CHRONICLES

_So I have decided to explore the __intricate __characterization of a bunch of teenagers thrown into the hellhole that we call American public high school.(If you can't tell, I stole a lot of ideas from 4-chan greentext stories in the last volume) . Sit back, relax, and enjoy the product of my boredom. _

_**Vol. 1- Gloria x the sexy sax man **__**the origins **_

One day Gloria saw the hunkalicous saxyphone man in the band room.

"Woah, lookit him!" She exclaimed, whilst dropping her French horn. The band director then yelled at her and she started to cry. T_T

Suddenly the smexy sax man kissed her and they got married and had like 12 kids because she loved his sax and 17 dogs and a llama named do salty n' a French horn and a saxyphone n' Gloria made him perform carless whisper for her all day long.

**_Vol 2- Deborahx the wall, BernxHis tromboner, and AlicaxHer binder _**

One day Deborah was out playing her flute when she ran into a hunk-tastic hunk-o-concrete. She was aboot to cry because her precious flute was broken, but then she noticed the walls rock-hard abalicous abs and her nose started bleeding and she fainted.

Once opon a salty time, bern was walking through the band room when he spotted an uber- smexy hunk of brass dat was a tromboner. Ben's lady face turned pink as he slowly walked toward the super smexy tromboner and put his mouth to the mouthpiece and blew his tromboner for the very first time 3

One fine afternoon, Alica was scribbling out her dirty ex-boi's name from her binder when she noticed it's super smexy abs. She slowly began tracing her pencil all up and down the grooves of it's abs and salivated all over the super smexlicous binder man and then she died of dehydration.

**_ Vol 's cellular device _**

One day Jesse saw Gloria's cellular phone and a new feeling overtook him- he had to have that bootylicous electronic no matter whut so he took it back to his desk with him ( EBOLO!) He began to slowly caress it's abalicous plastic and make oiut with it's screen. Suddenly Katrina's hand ripped the ripped phone phone away from jesse's mouth.

"No!" Cried the phone molester Jesse as the phone fell on the floor and it shattered into a booty billion pieces. His abalicous phone gone, Jesse began to sob. Then suddenly he saw katrina's phone. Gloria's phone was forgotten as he admired the sheer bootyfulness this phone had. they then got married and had 569696969696969696969t69696969696969 billion children and Gloria killed him with her mellophone for Katrina cause he was a dirty cheater.

**_ Vol 4. Alisonx her hand sanitizer_**

**_By Gloria _**

When Alison first put eyes on that sanitizer she was automatically hypnotized and she bought but she didn't know why. So one day she used her sanitizer and noticed how good it smelt and how smexy it is looking today. So she then bought all the sanitizers because they all are so smexy then she had an od of sanitizer and died.

**_Vol 5. Groovy moves _**

One day gay-than decided he was going to quit school and persue his dreams of becoming a stripper or gay lap dancer. He hitchhiked all the way over to touch too much strip club in order to fufill his dreams and was quickly accepted into their gay branch, kiss a kok. He was the most favoritist because of his hypnotic booty that he had enhanced with plastic, and his skinny, lady-like body. He was so popular that he made 69 jizzillion dolares each second! The other strippers became jealous. So that day while he was giving dickolas his daily lapdance, thee other strippers plotted against him and decided he would give Akahmed the dead terrorist a lapdance in order to kill him. They paid Akhmed 696969 jizzilion dolares to drop a bomb down his panties. He died, and his money went to Jesse and Bern the new stripper duo.

**_Vol 6. Joshx His food _**

One day josh was sitting at lunch eating his toes mc goats not abalicous ugly piece of food. Suddenly bern threw a bootylicous-sly gorgeous piece of food at him wit ex ex extra abs. Josh fell in love. Suddenly something warm and sticky began run ning down josh's face. It was blood, from a nosebleed. Josh passed out, and him and the food got married and had 69696966969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969690696 Jizz quatdoubletrillion children.

**_Vol. 7 Bromance 5eva Bern the lady manx Parker the loch ness monster _**

One fine bootylicous day, bern wasfired from his job as stripper in the in the jesse t bern duo. He was wandering the vegas strip and his booty was growing freezingly cold and his lady features were aboot to fall off due to frostbite. Suddenly parker the loch ness monster showed up in his flying burrito copter and offered bern a ride. Bern accepted, and jumped into the toasty cab and took off to planet big booty (yo booty like two planets)When they arrived, parker asked ben to strip and change into a bootylicous dolly dress that showed off his non existent skinny white boy abs. "No!" Cried bern as he shot parker with his tromboner. "I will never!"

As parker laid on the ground, dying, bern leaned in close, suddenly filled with remorse.

"Any last words?" He asked.

"Yes" Choked out parker, finding the words hard to make. "i…. will need… tree fiddy." It was in that moment that bern realized that that was not parker, but a 30 foot tall reptile from the palezolic era.

Damn loch ness monster got him again.


	2. Chapter 2

THE SALTY CHRONICLES VOL WHATEVER

BERNX PARKER BROMANCE 6EVA

THE ADVENTURES OF THE LOCH NESS MONSTER AND HIS QUICK STRIPPER PICKER- UPPER

**_BUY NOW FOR ONLY TREE FIDDY! PARKERS QUICK STRIPPER PICKER UPPER! PLEASE LEAVE YOUR NAME, ADRESS, CREDIT CARD, AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER BELOW AND WE'LL SEND YOU ONE FOR FREE! ACT NOW! _**

One day, Parker's burrito copter broke after the battle with bern and his tromboner. He didn't have a job because he couldn't give the loch ness monster BJs anymore. Thus our poor protagonish had to find a new source of income. Suddenly Parker had a stroke-o-geniosoness. He would make an amazingly abolicous new invention. He could see it now- a giant magnet in the shape of a booty that caught all the strippers in a 6969669696969696966969696 jizzmilenionaquatrilliono mile radius. He hopped in the part of the flying burrito copter that was not broken, and took over a Chinese factory by making them watch hentai. He put his lil communist slaves to work, paying them only tree fiddy per per bootymillion hours they worked, building him his quicker stripper picker uppers. Finally all of them were done. He hijacked santas sleigh and flew back to the us to be gin marketing his new product. Sadly, no one wanted to buy Parkers genioso thingymajiger, so he prayed to the loch ness monster. "Nesse is love, nesse is life." Suddenly he had a vision. Beneath a sky of fried chicken, everyone was buying a stripper picker upper. He knew what he had to do. Parker ran outside with his invention, and turned it on high. Suddenly, a sea of scantily clad people flew into the air and into the giant butt magnet. "IT WORKS!" cried parker. Suddenly bern appeared. He was tired of nessies shit okay? "Cock-a-mothaa-fuckin-do" he sollemly said as he pulled the power cord off the booty magnet. The ball of strippers fell to the earth, triggering a chain of catacalysmic events that ultimintley ended in the earth's spontaneous combustion. Damn loch ness monster achived world domination


End file.
